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| Top Five Deathbed Regrets
Marjorie Shadd shares this received from a doctor friend in Saudi Arabia. The nurse who wrote it is unknown. For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared while I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected: denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed, though--every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
- I wish I didn't work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
|Grace Church is a Wedding Venue
Grace is the perfect site for brides who are planning the medium size ceremony and reception. Please get the word out to friends about our Church and its potential to serve weddings with one hundred to one hundred and fifty guests. Please give the bride, groom or the families the Church office number to explore wedding service options.
We are so fortunate at Grace Episcopal Church to have a lovely building in which to worship. Last year we celebrated two weddings in the Church. It is our hope that we can make Grace Church the choice of brides in 2012--brides who are looking for special, intimate surroundings in which to receive the blessings of their new life in marriage.
See the Grace Center page
for some pictures to share.
|Home Eucharistic Visits |
Several Grace members have been trained to bring Holy Communion to members and friends of the Parish who unable to attend services, The visit duration may be from ten to forty-five minutes. The time may include prayer, receiving of the bread and wine, as well as a chance to socialize.
If you or anyone you know would like such a visit please leave your name, phone number at the church office (513-541-2415, firstname.lastname@example.org
). Give two or three good times for the visit.
We will need a small flat space near where you are seated to place the communiion kit. If that could be prepared before we arrive that would be greatly appreciated.
Marjorie Shadd, Pastoral Care
|Thanks to ... |
... Marjorie Shadd, who contributed three of the articles in this issue of eGraceNotes.
We're sure that we've left out many of the people who deserve our thanks. Let us know who we've missed by clicking eGraceNotes@GraceCollegeHill.org
Please keep these people in your prayers for their special needs:
Jonathan S., Noah, Chico & family, Lauren, the Daniel family, the Cavalieri family, Virginia Chapel's family, Anne, Darryl, Caleb & Joshua, Brian, Kim, Robb, Erik, Alison, Alexis & Nathanael, Marie, Irene Bryeans, Dean Bryeans, Diane, Maxwell & family, Barbara, Beverly, Bob and Rita, Alice, Christine Zuniga, Nathaniel, Zachary, Bonnie, Kristine, Judy J., Marci, Susan, Pat J., Rehan, Dee, Kim H, Mary S., Margaret K., Beth Tracy, Karen and Diana, The Partin-Sharp family, Rita, Mimi, Brenda, the Fantetti family, the Bennett family, the Visbal family, Nadine-Renee, Luanne, Fr. John, Gayle, Ernestein, and the Burlew family.
Please pray for all on our prayer lists and the following members and supporters who are not always able to attend services: M. Back, M. Bellows, J. Carroll, E. Gescheidle, N. Hall, A. Henneberg, J. Henthorn, E. Kelly, N. Koester, E. Pinto, M. Ratliff, C. Relyea, MJ Showers, and J. Strohmeier.
Requests for prayers may be called in to the church cell phone: 513-763-9520. Please also indicate whether the name of the prayer recipient is to be listed in the bulletin.
If you need pastoral care or know of someone who does, please call or email the office (513-541-2415, email@example.com). Keep us informed about about illness, hospital stays, requests for visits, communion, and prayers for special concerns.
|Coming Attractions |
The online Grace Church Calendar lists most everything we know about that's happening at Grace Church. If something's not listed, or if you see errors, please tell the office (firstname.lastname@example.org).
- College Hill commemoration of Martin Luther King, Jr, on Sunday, January 15. Starts with a symbolic "Freedom March" starting at the House of Joy (5912 Hamilton Avenue) at 4:30 pm. After the short walk to St. Clare Church (1443 Cedar Avenue), an (indoor) service will begin at 5 pm.
- Snack 'n Chat - Sundays after service, Small Assembly Room.
- Mission Council - Monday, January 16, 5:00 pm
| Selected Short Subjects
Senior Warden Roger Perna is happy to to announce that we will be having two new supply priests in the near future. On February 19, Susan Lehman will serve, and on March 4, Anisa Willis will be with us. We have started a tradition of taking our new supply priests to lunch during the week prior to their visit with us and anyone is welcome to join us for that event. More later . . .
- Roger is also happy to announce that the Diocese's Commission on Congregational Life has granted us $10,400 to supplement our 2012 budget.
- Since Chuck Bowles will be leaving in the near future, we will need volunteers for Altar Guild and Flower Guild. Please contact Chuck Bowles at email@example.com if you are interested. Chuck will train you before he leaves.
- Remember to bring a snack to share at Snack 'n Chat after our 10 am Sunday services.
- Altar flowers are provided through your donations. Please sign the Grace Flower Donation Sheet on the front table.There is a special flower box for small donations that can be combined to provide a Sunday arrangement.
|Sunday Service Volunteers
Here is the Sunday Service volunteer schedule for the next two Sundays. If you're scheduled and can't make it, find a substitute and let the webmaster
know so the schedule can be updated. You can see the whole schedule and list of participants here
If you'd like to serve in any capacity, contact Judy Handy (firstname.lastname@example.org
January 15: Eucharist II
- Celebrant: Fr. David Howard
- Keyboards: Bill Jenne
- Acolyte: John Thayer
- Healing Minister (lead): J White
- Chalice: John Thayer
- Lector: John Thayer
- Prayers of the People: Judy Handy
- Offering Counter: Roger Perna
- Usher: Tammy Robertson
- Altar Guild: Chuck Bowles, Maureen Back
- Flower Guild: Chuck Bowles
- 9am Adult Bible Study: Roger Perna
- Sunday School: Virginia Chapel
January 22: Celebration of Wholeness and Healing
- Officiant: Hawley Todd, TSSF
- Keyboards: Bill Jenne
- Acolyte: Matthias Mukasa
- Healing Minister (lead): J White
- Lector: Maria Mukasa
- Prayers of the People: Mary McLain
- Offering Counter: John Thayer
- Usher: David Mukasa
- Altar Guild: Lisa Perry, Tammy Robertson
- Flower Guild: Carol Lyon
- 9am Adult Bible Study: Ken Lyon
- Sunday School: Roger Perna